Best jerk off material

Aria from Fairfield Age: 30. Men who are just dreaming to try something unusual, I will help to make all dreams come true.

Still, an industrious-yet-lonely man with a boner is basically a sexual MacGyver. Like monkeys and Pokemon , masturbation is evolving. I want you to put on your 3D glasses, hop on your hoverboard, and start eating astronaut ice cream, because the future of tugging on your tuber is now. Maybe one day, our monkey ancestor was sitting in his tree, lounging under a palm frond, enjoying some delicious papaya, when some of it slipped and landed on his little monkey dinky. Now, this isn't to say a Fleshlight is an unpleasant experience. Then rub it aggressively on your crotch for a few minutes. It has variable speeds as well, so you can go from lazy Quaalude mumble-munch to Furious 7 Vin Diesel power gulp.

Joan from Fairfield Age: 21. Looking for a sexy stud for a fun weekend.

It's hard to beat the good cheer brought about by your own hand. Many people claim the Fleshlight is even better than the real thing, at which point we're left to consider whether by "real thing" they mean their hand -- which of course they don't mean -- or an actual human vagina -- which, sadly, they do mean. The existential sadness of anyone claiming that a disembodied rubber vag-sleeve is better than having sex with another person is something no Cracked columnist can dare take on without some serious alcohol to fuel the poetic ennui that will follow. This is a lot like regular masturbation, only the smell is much more off-putting. You just have to be comfortable with a Donkey Kong-esque barrel on your junk. If you're not picking up what I'm putting down yet, allow me to elucidate. Nowadays, we have robots that will give us space-age handies with a kung fu grip and lube designed by NASA, I assume.

Helen from Fairfield Age: 32. I'm a very good girl.

Adrienne from Fairfield Age: 23. A young and pretty girl will meet a man. Ideally, I would like to find a lover.

Susanna from Fairfield Age: 22. Sociable, not scandal, good, with a sense of humor. My dream is to find a soul mate. I love sex.

So we can agree that masturbation probably first happened with a bare hand -- probably well before the s, if you can believe it. A dude with his dick in a blowie machine. I'm not saying there's anything inherently sexy about ham. Masturbatory scientists have been at it for a long time heh. Then rub it aggressively on your crotch for a few minutes. For you ladies, try to imagine something you really enjoy the feel of, repeatedly and rhythmically working your lady flower. He reached for it, grabbed both together, pulled, and suddenly we had nuclear power, iPhones, and Hot Pockets.

Patty from Fairfield Age: 30. I am gentle, affectionate,kind,well-groomed, with a good figure and no less beautiful soul.